Thursday, August 26, 2010

Where Do I Begin?

Well, where do I begin? First off, I thought I was pregnant, which would have been amazing but not so much in our plans. I was a little excited and nervous thinking we just sold all of our baby stuff so it figures I would get pregnant. I decided I better go get tested and I might as well get my yearly out of the way since it has been two years, opps. I made my appointment and went in for my yearly OB/GYN last Friday. I went in and the pregnancy test came back negative, whoa, as I am wiping the sweat off my brow. Next we move onto the ever so delightful breast exam. "Hmm, do you feel that?"  I thought to myself, huh?! As I feel around, I say "Uh, isn't that my rib?" She replies politely, " No, see it is not connected, it is not a rib". Sheepishly, I start to wonder I guess I am not that great at going my quarterly monthly self exam, what the heck?! She tells me I need to get a mammogram, oh great, cause that sounds like so much fun. We finish up all the fun and she gives me numbers for different diagnostic centers.

Wow! I am floored right now. I thought I was pregnant but really it looks like there is something wrong with the ladies. I call Eric and I am trying to keep it together. I walk down to the park with the kids because I promised we would go after the appointment. Dazed and confused I made my way down there. I made a few phone calls and got an appointment for a mammogram on Wednesday. Now let me remind you it was Friday. That means I had Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday to endure and then Wednesday for my appointment. Really?

Good thing I had to work Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Tuesday night otherwise I probably would have thought about it way too much. It is good to be busy and have to think about others rather than yourself when you are going through something unknown.

To be totally honest I was not too worried if it was cancer. If it is cancer I know I could handle it but the not knowing and waiting was killing me! I had to really concentrate on the Lord and His peace. Obviously, I needed to be in His arms. I know I need to be there all the time but how often do we wander off think that we are okay. He gently reminds us that we need Him.

By Saturday I was feeling emotionally better. I felt the prayers that were covering me and it was nice.  Sunday morning came and our pastor was talking about trials....hahaha. Nice coincidence! He talked about Abraham and Isaac. How God had promised Abraham:
     I will make you a great nation; I will bless you And make your name great; And you shall be a blessing. Gen 12:2
But then He commanded:
Then He said, "Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you." Gen 22:2

It was crazy how Bryan was talking about the promises and commands of God and how we should have faith to follow His commands even though they might not seem to directly coincide with His promises. The whole sermon was great and I could relate.

I just tried to stay busy and when I found myself thinking about it and worrying I had to remember to cling to Him. I definitely had all of the "what if" thoughts but I found peace no matter what. Finally, Wednesday morning arrived and my appointment finally was here.

I got to the diagnostic center and tried to keep it together. I was not allowed to wear lotion, perfume or deodorant. Now, I do not wear lotion or perfume so that is no problem but deodorant?!? If you all do not know I sweat, a lot, no really a lot. I do not smell but I sweat. Since this happens to be on  When they called me back the nurse told me on the way to the mammogram that I would need an ultrasound too. Yeah, not only are they going to squish my right breast but I get to have the ultra sound wand wandering all over it too. It just keeps on getting better. I will say the staff was outstanding and very sensitive to me.
By the time this the appointment came to and end I was left in the ultra sound room in my beautiful new gown waiting for the doctor's assesment. I was a little overwhelmed but at peace at the same time if that makes sense. I eyes welled up a couple different times. I kept thinking of scriptures and would not let my mind wander to the bad or the what if's. Obviously, our minds gravitate to those but dwelling on them is not what I wanted to do. Instead  "And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Phil 4:7 came to mind and it did.

The nurse came in and told me everything looked normal. The lump was just tissue. It was not a cyst, mass, cancerous etc. just tissue. Now that we know it is there just keep an eye on it. I was relieved. To quote Tom Petty "The waiting is the hardest part". My nurse at the doctor's office called later that afternoon to check up. She was saying that the mammogram does not always detect everything and wants me to see a specialist. Hmm, not ready for that bill, but I will see you for a free check up in a week. So as for now I feeling good with the doctor's decision and we will see next Friday about anything further.

Thank you to all of you who prayed and for words of encouragement.
Love you all!


Sandy said...

I love that you kept your eyes on the Lord and tried not to worry. So glad that all appears to be fine. Here's a reminder for you AND me...let's do our self-exams on a monthly basis. :o) God Bless.

going kiwi said...

Sandy: seriously, a good wake up call!